Montezuma’s Castle and Cathedral Rock

Montezuma’s Castle

Arizona Day One

We walked by all the different rental car companies, and I can only assume they are sorted by most to least expensive. I guessed this because we power walked past a dozen without picking up our heads. We get to the second to last one— high to low. It's like the second cheapest bottle of wine at a restaurant. We used to be all over that. Update: my wife is a wine expert now, so it's more, "I'll take the most expensive bottle of wine you have."

"Ma'am, this is a Wal-greens."

The rental car company gave us a Volkswagen Jetta. The same car I usually drive. This is the second time in our travel history that we have rented this German engineered marvel. The most recent time we haven't been able to get a Jetta was in, you guessed it, Germany! That's when we had to fly down the slow lane of the Autobahn at 120 mph in a Ford-freaking-Focus, getting blown away by BMW after BMW while our car shook.

The first stop for us was Montezuma's Castle. This was a stop along the way to our actual destination of Sedona, Arizona. It was a great halfway stop. The drive was very scenic. The castle itself is carved into the hillside. My wife kept asking how I thought they were able to do that. I can't even figure out how to get up there. I looked up and got tired. At this stop, we accidentally bought a National Park Pass. It lets you park at National Parks across the country. I was confused, but it came in handy later.

After another hour on the road, we made our first stop in Sedona. We picked up a trail map and tried to buy the Recreation Pass from the Visitor Center. Then we found out that our National Park Pass overrides the Recreation Pass. What a deal! We asked this guy if the Birthing Cave trail was open. We have said something wrong. He started looking over his shoulder and behind us— I'm terrified. He said, "Do you know how to get there?" We say we do.

"Then don't tell anyone else." Apparently, the first rule of Birthing Cave is don't talk about Birthing Cave.

After that tense conversation, we check out a brewery! The Oak Creek Brewery is first on the radar. We stopped in, and this place doesn't quite have the vibe for which we're looking. It has that ammonia smell— my second least favorite smell. Also, the beer is a little flat. Chugged one beer each and headed to another stop for lunch. Pump House Station was adorable and had a few local beers. We quickly found out that Sedona restaurants all have the same five local beers. We would soon run through this list. The food was excellent.

We stayed at the Arabella Resort. I fell in love with the view from the hanging basket chair on the back patio at the hotel. Good thing I bought a 4-pack of pounders right after we talked to the trail master at the Visitor Center. Drinking a beer in that chair was a wonderful experience. "Hiking? I'm sorry I can't hear you. I'll be in this chair if you need me. Please bring beer, thanks."

Well, that didn't work. We went on a sunset hike. My wife warned me that the hike was rated as "difficult." "Difficult," you say. Who rates these? How many ratings are there? I would like to have a number out of 10. Like when I'm ordering spicy food— I get a 1.5. It's only .7 miles each way. I don't care how hard it is; it's not even a mile. I can handle that— WRONG.

The hike was basically a rock climb. It was all vertical. For every 10 minutes of steep climbing, we moved approximately 1 inch horizontally. No wonder it's only .7 miles long. After 5 or 6 cardiac episodes, we made it up to the top-- I rejoice. Then someone walked by and said, "Hey, there's a whole other side you can climb up with a different view." More climbing. Thank you, random citizen.

The extra climb was so easy that I could do it with one hand tied behind my back, which was good because I had already opened a beer. We gave ourselves too much time and had to wait for sunset. Time to drink this beer, enjoy the view, and wipe the sweat off my face. What do you mean we didn't bring the sweat towel! My life is in shambles. I love a good sweat towel. I lost all sense of maturity and sat in silence.

A surprise wedding! Two people hiked up here in their wedding clothes and got married on something called The Edge of the World. Right at sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony. They brought champagne, and I was doing everything I could to get some of that champagne. "Need help carrying anything?" They didn't need my help— my face was probably too sweaty.

I only brought one beer— a colossal mistake. It was a Helton Brewing Company Valley Venom Pilsner. It was crisp and bright. Delicious even after being shaken up in my backpack and warmed by my rising body temperature. I can't wait to drink the other 3 in the room. I tried to model a few mid-drink pictures but realized that pretending to drink beer is not one of my talents. That list includes drinking beer, though. I think that's the extent of it.

The sun finally sets, and it is time to head back down. Don't let that peaceful sentence fool you. It's a race. We need to get to the bottom before we lose all the light. The whole way down, everyone, my wife included, kept talking about how going down is so much worse. That was not my experience at all. I butt-slid the whole way down— exhilarating. The way down has a better view as well. On the way up, someone said to me, "I came here for the view, but all I see is butts." It was mostly butts.

After sledding down, we made it back to the car and drove to the hotel. We put on respectable clothes and went to the Hideaway House for dinner. This place was fantastic. I recommend it. While we were dining there, an old friend texted us that saw we were in Arizona. They live in Arizona now and had some recommendations for Sedona. The best spot for dinner? The Hideaway House! Great choice. The manager came over and asked if we were enjoying ourselves. I said everything was excellent. He said, "There's no rule that says you can't eat at the same place twice while traveling." Yeah, tell that to my wife. We rarely stay in the same hotel twice. We will eat at as many different places as possible. And they will all have the same five Sedona craft beers.

We get back to the room, and I get to work on the rest of the Valley Venom pilsners. I sit in that chair, pretend to read a book, and down the rest of them. I guess I was told at some point that I must wake up at 4:30 am tomorrow, but I certainly wish I was told twice— fine, three times then.