Arizona Day Two

I woke up in pitch black. This hike was rated Easy, but it was 2 miles each way. That didn't sound bad until I remembered that I was afraid of the dark. The whole point was to hike up to Devil's Bridge to watch the sunrise. Which meant it would be dark the entire hike. Possible ghost situation popping off here. On top of the dark, we are also going to a place called DEVIL'S BRIDGE. I shouldn't have read all about the Mogollon Monster before coming here. It's a southwestern Bigfoot. I guess that means it's a Bigfoot that likes TexMex. I couldn't take any more terror at that moment. Why is that Mcdonald's green— turn this car around. Seriously, a green Mcdonald's? I couldn't imagine a worse omen. Last complaint: I am freezing cold. Thank goodness I have this piping hot coffee. Let me just set it here while I get my gloves on— I spilled the coffee. Let's walk or hike or whatever. Some lady tried to say hi to us. My wife forgot that she had a headlamp on and blinded her as she turned to look. Finally, something went my way.

We arrived, and no one was there. Not at least that we could see. It was dark. Eventually, the sun rose, and we confirmed that no one was sitting behind a bush or being a Mogollon Monster. We took some great pictures with the sunrise and a can of beer. Believe it or not, not even I wanted a beer at 6 am. We just brought an empty can— it's not photoshop. Mother Road Brewing Tower Station IPA. Would drink again. Once we got our pictures of the sunrise, other people started to arrive. I called every one of them a loser under my breath. They all missed it. Then my wife told me that we needed one of them to take a picture of the two of us. Ugh. Then I called everyone a loser on the way down.

Back in town, I finally got a coffee. Coffee ‘til Craft Beer. Typically, I’m a noon guy. However, I am willing to hear any and all arguments for why I should drink earlier. Any boat, beach, amusement park, pool, federal holiday, non-federal holiday, the holidays only the post office gets, snow day, solar and lunar eclipse, yard work, or a particularly strong breeze could all convince me to drink early.

My wife asked if we could start going into different stores. I love shopping as long as I can blow money on random things. I know she didn't mean that kind of shopping, but I'll do pretty much anything with a coffee or a beer in my hand. We bought a couple pretty cool T-shirts and one of those dipped candles hipsters sell everywhere.

Next, we went on a Pink Jeep Tour. It was exactly what it sounded like. You got in a Jeep Wrangler. The Jeep Wrangler is painted pink. There were 2-person seats on each side and the back. Clearly, the back was the place to be. You could look straight ahead and not have to turn your neck like me trying to watch tv while getting a beer out of the fridge. The driver said, "Do you want to flip a coin to see who sits in the back?"

The other couple we were paired with looked like they were having trouble deciding. Being the kind person I am, I decided to help. "We'll sit in the back." Saved the day. They drove us all over the different trails, which we expected to be flat. WRONG. We were basically rock climbing in this 4-wheel drive vehicle. We were almost vertical.

Some of the climbs and descents made me feel like we were in that Jeep from Jurassic Park. The one that gets chomped on by the T-Rex! There were at least three times where I thought, "He's just kidding. We're not really going up there." The only bad part was having to get out and walk around at a few stops. I walked enough for a lifetime— drive me around, please. Of course, getting out and walking around was my wife's favorite part. They showed us where the tectonic plates were shifting. You could see a crack in the rocks, and the crack shifted at one point, evidence of the plates moving. The driver also told us how famous mountain biking was in the area. I was terrified enough in a motorized vehicle. I didn't want to have to pedal myself to safety. The driver offered to take a panorama picture of anyone with an iPhone. What's that supposed to mean? Do you think Androids don't have panorama, or are you refusing to hold an Android? He said to point on the left side of the picture, run around him, and look surprised on the right half of the picture. I went with more of an 'about to fight your evil twin' vibe.

After another return to civilization, we stopped at Sedona brewing. They had some great beers. They also had great shirts, but as always, they only have XXXL and S. Maybe I'll try to gain enough weight to fit into brewery shirts kept in stock— challenge accepted.

We got lunch and went back to our room for a FULL-ON NAP. My nap was more like drinking beer in that sweet chair, but it's still restful. All we have to do for the rest of the night is dinner. Ugh— I don't know if I have the strength. My wife stopped snoring and said, "Want to check out the hot tub?"

My aching muscles screamed, "Yes." It's the perfect night for this. Great weather, the stars were starting to come out, and there happened to be live music in the courtyard— plus, I am sore all over.

After the hot tub, I was asked, "Are you even hungry for dinner?"

I said, "I'm getting plenty of calories right here." As I crush more beers. I snuck beers in the hot tub. I shouldn't even have to say that.

After another big sip, I said, "Want to go to bed?" Sure it is only 7:30, but it is 9:30 somewhere. We kept this plan the whole time we were in this time zone. We lived life as if we were still on the east coast. We woke up around 5 and went to bed around 8. I threw on an XXXL brewery shirt and jumped in bed.