Finding the Birthing Cave

Birthing Cave

Arizona Day Three

We passed a guy who looked like he had a thing for off-beaten-path activities. He also looked like he couldn't keep a secret. This was the fight club rules hike. We asked if he could tell us where this trail turned into the secret path for Birthing Cave. He said, "Down the trail, a little further, and turn left at the pile of dead sticks." I turn to my wife and say, "We are in the desert. Everything is dead." I'm not a directions guy. I'm a make it back to my house from the build-your-own-6-pack-store with GPS guy. I bet my wife can figure this one out.

She found it. The rest of the trail was similar but more incredible now that we knew it was a secret trail.

The Birthing Cave was a giant spherical cutout on the side of the mountain. In the middle, there was another spherical cutout. It looked like a belly button on top of the belly. I get the birthing cave reference. It was easy to walk around inside here. Not too much climbing. Then she looked at me and said, "You're up." I have to climb into the belly button-- not ideal. It was a steep climb.

I grabbed my can of beer and started the climb-- just kidding. I was going to need both hands. Maybe she'll throw me one. I got to the approach area without too much trouble. Then there's a ledge too small for my hiking boots. I walked on my hands with my feet dangling down the side. My legs looked like Andy carrying Woody from Toy Story. I gotta make sure I scare my parents with photos of this. There isn't really a place to turn around, so I could sit in the belly button. My wife told me to jump and spin around, landing in a seated position. Hearing this, my legs instantly turn to jelly-- I should have brought that beer. I make the jump and am still living. Then I sit comfortably while dreading the return trip. After hand walking along the ledge with dangling legs, the rest mainly was butt-sliding down the slope. We got some great pictures of the inside of the cave and the view out. On the secret trail back, we tell the first hiker we see that she will have the place all to herself.

The Airplane Mesa Overlook was an excellent place for brunch with a unique view. There was a small airport right outside, so you could watch planes take off while dining. I grabbed the seat with the best view and cheered the pilots on. I didn't plan on drinking just yet, but my wife said, "They have a couple of local beers." Well, if you're going to twist my arm…

Right outside the restaurant, they had an overlook for pictures. It's not my thing, but here's a nice bench! She made sure to get her money's worth because it was supposed to be free to park, but today they were charging $3. I'm sure she got some great pictures. I'll look at them on the screensaver in a few weeks.

The next stop was a local winery. The place was absolutely packed. Even with just two of us, it was a long wait. They let us get wine for walking around their grounds, so I'm not mad. Then we enjoyed the best waiting-for-a-table-entertainment ever. Bachelorette party, after Bachelorette party was told how long the wait was, they were not happy. Fits were thrown. The host handled it beautifully. After a few of those, we walked down to their beautiful river scene and continued people watching. Once we got called for our reservation, we were delighted to see the comfortable seats. They aren't just throwing us in the corner. They got us our own couch. The tasting was a great time, and we got a to-go bottle for the upcoming Thanksgiving feast.

After the winery and various lazy afternoon things, we went out for a lovely evening. I didn't want to get to dinner too early. I like to make the most of every minute before a reservation, so we stopped to get pre-dinner beers. Wow-- what a mistake this was. This place is the definition of my restaurant anxiety-- self-diagnosed. They have you trapped. If you were out of beer at my house-- which never happens-- you could just go pour another. At a restaurant, you are helpless under the power of the server. At this place, I'm not sure they have servers. The beer tasted like spit-sprite-spite. One of those.

We parked and immediately got excited about the visuals of Mariposa. A group of assumed Instagrammers asked if we could take their picture out front. Then they take gorgeous ones of us. As we were walking away, I heard, "None of these are usable."

We were seated, and everyone was so lovely. The host told us that we had two servers. We ordered drinks from the first. Then the same server brought out the booze. I thought we were tag-teaming this? Oh, this is the other server? They are women of similar ages, heights, facial structures, and haircuts. I think we're being Punk'd. There was just one server, wasn't there? We never asked our doppelganger servers, but we never did see them together-- just like how no one has ever seen Chris Hemsworth and me in the same room.

The server(s) try to talk us into the octopus appetizer. We were told it was the best on the menu and at least one of them eats it before every shift. We passed, but the entrees were mouth-watering. I don't know what mine was called. It was a mix of all the costly kinds of seafood. Whatever they are. My wife had a big old chunk of steak. Filet, of course. After these were washed down with a bottle of wine, it was time to go over the dessert menu. She had her eye on the Prickly Pear Cheesecake. Especially since we had been walking by Prickly Pear Cactus on most of our hikes. I was not allowed to take a bite-- of the plant, not the cheesecake. We shared that. She ordered the Prickly Pear Cheesecake-- I had the Octopus. I ordered an appetizer for dessert.

After wrapping up at Mariposa, we head straight for the hotel. We had enough strength to "hike" up the back hill of our hotel. They had a cute little star gazing area. Someone told me you could see Mars out tonight, so we pretended to know what they look like. I don't have to write the following sentence, but I will-- I brought a beer. I snuck it in my sleeve, real sly-like. Then I noticed that every person we saw was holding an alcoholic beverage while I stumbled up the hill. Not joking about the stumbling. Why is it so dark in this city? Oh, It's a dark city. They don't allow light pollution. How about that? What a great place to be afraid of the dark. And quite possibly the Mongollan Monster. I point at what I imagine is Mars. My wife says, "Are you sure that isn't Venus?" The only thing I know about space is my guy, Orion. I can see Orion from everywhere. I even know that one of the stars in his sword is not a star but the Orion Nebula. The nebula appears as a kind of orangish-yellow, while the others have their standard bluish yellow. Wait, I don't see him.