Arizona Day 6

Let's do some foreshadowing. This is our last night in Arizona, and we did not have a hotel room. Our flight left at about 2 o'clock in the morning, so we could sleep on the plane.

We went to Brewed Awakenings for coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Nothing says day drinking more than a breakfast sandwich and black coffee. The person who announced the food orders was a whisperer. I am getting old, but I'm pretty sure she said my wife's name, but many people are standing around the counter, and I'm not confident enough to be incorrect in front of them. Try not to look guilty. You did pay for the food--maybe my wife did.

Now I am ready to head to day drinking. We drove to Phoenix. That's where they keep the rest of the beer. We already drank Flagstaff and Williams, Arizona dry. Since she was driving, I made the route where we would stop on the way to Phoenix. Everything looked great-- we went to none of those places. We stopped at an In-N-Out Burger on a recommendation since we don't have them in Florida. Anyway, while we were there and I was slamming burgers, she made a far superior plan. It was my plan to have her make the plan anyway. I love it when a plan comes together.

The first brewery stop was in a plaza. I am typically against all breweries, and even bars, that are in plazas. I wasn't traumatized or anything; I just don't like the Feng Shui. I had the Hopaloosa Hazy IPA and about 10 others. I don't usually do flights, but they just had too many options. There are no large shirts-- I checked. Not getting a shirt made me think about how I need to ditch this hoodie. On the 90-minute drive here, we gained 30 degrees.

After Huss Brewing, I got the green light to pick the closest disc golf course. "No, not that one." Sorry-- the closest disc golf course with a good rating. I snuck 3 discs along with me and wanted to play in a different state. My wife usually doesn't mind because she enjoys the beautiful scenery while I poorly throw discs. But I don't know the Arizona scenery. The course is Arid Chic--always something chic. There doesn't seem to be anything alive on the course, but there is some sort of large sewer pipe. We can play 9.

I needed a drink, so we went to my wife's next spot. I'm never leaving this place. Arizona Wilderness Brewing, DTPHX (downtown Phoenix). This is a beer garden for Arizona Wilderness Brewing right in the heart of downtown. This could be the most fabulous place I've ever been. They had about 25 taps of all the good stuff. 90% their own with a few guests. Anything from an IPA to sour brown ale. All over the map. The tables and atmosphere were excellent. Now, this place had some Feng Shui. My wife said the tacos here were reviewed really well, and she was getting them for sure.

Did they have food, too? What else did I need? Can I get a cot in the back? Anyway, I'm not going to fall for reviews online. I'm going to ignore first-hand research and roll the dice. I got the Arizona Hot Chicken Sandwich. I get Nashville Hot Chicken Sandwiches all the time and only almost passed out once. Not a big deal. Lemme get that Arizona Hot. Oh, and my wife will have your really good tacos or whatever. "Those are really good," he said. Hey, I don't need that right now. Nothing about my sandwich, huh? I checked the shirts out while they made the food. They had a tie for my first place favorite t-shirt of the trip. First, "Mother Road, Enjoy the Adventure," and now "Arizona Wilderness, Don't F*ck with it." Do they have my size? Survey says, NO! That's it. I'm going on a diet. The food came out, and I literally could not put mine in my mouth. It was so spicy I felt like I had an allergic reaction. Looks like I was starting my diet early. My wife loved her tacos. They looked fantastic. I ended up drinking Picacho Pecan Pie, Prickly Pear Wallow, Carrot De Garde, Salome Saison, Picture Perfect, Old Sycamore Bruin, American Presidential Stout, and the Superstition Coffee Stout. I think she might have helped with 1 or 2 of those. I had to make up for some calories.

Remember, we were basically homeless. The secret to not having a hotel room and getting on a flight at 2 am-- movie theaters.

We bought tickets to something we had seen before. That way, we wouldn't want to watch it and would go straight to sleep. That's right, it's time for a FULL-ON NAP. We bought tickets to Guardians of the Galaxy. It's some sort of Fan Favorite special. This was great because it's not like we would know any of the movies currently released. Do movies even come out anymore? We get in and get comfy. We are the only ones in the theatre. Perfect for napping. The movie started, and the opening scene looked different. Wait, no. Was this…the … EXTENDED VERSION. I've never seen this! I'm not going to sleep now-- buckle up.

The movie was terrific, and we went straight to the airport after it ended. You had to stay for the stinger after the credits, of course. We could probably sleep at the airport. The rental car return was as shady as ever.

After the joy that was returning a rental car, we had the joy that is the TSA. The TSA is a bully that you can avoid by just giving up your lunch money. Pay for TSA precheck, and they will be nicer to you, or so we were told. In this case, there were only 10 or so people in line. They don't have a second line for precheck. They came and handed us a piece of paper that said "TSA PRE-CHECK" on it. This was a worthless piece of paper. I know a worthless piece of paper when I see one-- I went to college. Turned out the paper let me keep my shoes on. More valuable than college.

The TSA guy looked at me and said, "Your passenger number is 2178. You need to remember that. You'll never remember that." Challenge accepted. A few minutes pass. "You. What's your passenger number?" "2178." Jokes on you. Now it's immortalized in writing forever. After all the fuss, we get flagged anyway. Wonder what she did this time. I was sure it was her fault. It turned out she tried to smuggle a 6-pack on the plane. No, not beer. A 6-pack of granola bars! Apparently, you're not allowed to have "bulky food" on the plane. Please stop snack-shaming my wife.

After the drama, we found an empty gate. Any random empty one. We set up a nice floor bed with backpack pillows and jacket blankets. She went to sleep, and I took the first watch. The only watch. We killed time and got on the plane. Then I finally got some sleep. I haven't stayed up this late since my 20s. We somehow wake up in DC. My passenger number is 2178.