California Day Two

I was pretty excited about going to see Alcatraz. We tried to get night-time tickets. Because you know I love spending time with my boo and some boos. Maybe a little booze. Those tickets were sold out until basically the end of time. There was a ghost hunters episode about this place, and it might be the best ghost-anything episode of all time. They recorded a faint whisper and they say, "it sounds like he’s saying 'hairy brunette" and I’m like "not exactly my type, but hey, I married her" (worth it). "It’s a man’s name, 'Harry Brunette.” They go on to say that they hear the number ‘347’. They look up the prison records, and prisoner #347 was named Harry Brunette. I don’t need to go there. I don’t even need to watch the episode. That’s enough to ruin a week of sleep. Not enough to beat my record (see A Lazy Husband's Guide to Savannah), but enough to leave me wanting more!

Our Uber guide recommended getting the headphones. Headphones? What do I look like? A tourist? I was open to it. We got there and realized that these headphones were a great idea. They were giving us facts, stories, and background. There was an inmate here called "Creepy Karpis." We heard that "You didn’t need to be told he was creepy. He walked around on his toes." Are you freaking kidding me? I don’t know why this is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard. If some stranger approached me, I would handle it like I normally would— terribly. If that same guy were walking at me on his tiptoes, I would need therapy.

It was about time we went out to lunch. My wife had been obsessed with this bread bowl place called Boudini's. We scratched that itch. They were famous for their sourdough bread. We got a couple of soup bowls and a grilled cheese, and I got a pizza (with sourdough crusts). Everything was delicious. It was amazing.

They offered a tour of their museum since they’ve been doing this for 119 years. I was excited about this because I didn’t know anything about baking, but I had heard of baking on TV. I also remember all the useless information I hear on TV. I walked up to the guide and said, "Can you tell me how old your yeast strain is?" This was the exact kind of interaction that embarrassed my wife. He responded, "I would love to. Are you a baker?" I ruined it with, "No, I watch television." I think I won him over. My wife, I wasn’t so sure. The guide was happy to take me around and explain the process of saving 25% of every batch of dough and using it in the next batch. This maintained the original yeast strain. Then she saw the bakers doing the process and started believing I was a genius. "Oh, look, they’re doing the 25% thing!" Got her.

After enjoying lunch, a tour, and an Unoaked Chardonnay, we checked out the rest of Fisherman's Wharf. We found many different shops and snacks and started looking for the big attraction— a bunch of chubby little Sea Lions. We wandered cautiously, listening for their barks. We found them floating on some docks outback. They were rolling around on each other, biting each other's fins, and barking. They were closer to dogs than any lion! We only found them because I realized the bar upstairs had local beer flights, and you could hear them barking from my stool. Was I a hero? No. Beer was the true hero here. This was the highlight unless you count my Mother-In-Law meeting Elton John (wax figurine). We used portrait mode on her phone, and you seriously couldn't tell. People who saw the picture asked why there was an impersonator at Fisherman's Wharf that day.

We head to The Proper (our hotel) to FULL ON NAP.

Wake up just in time for dinner. It’s almost like second breakfast. We get tapas. I ate something stuffed in something else and got another local beer. I didn’t feel like eating a lot. I was too excited. I was going to a speak-easy!

This place had two entrances. One for normies who could walk in off the street and one that required a password. You had to book in advance to receive your password. We had the password. Since we’re like— cool. Once inside, we were informed that you could not use your cell phone anytime. Then they handed us a book of about 300 cocktails. I found the one described as being for a "man looking for trouble" to be a good match.

So I had wine with lunch, beer with dinner, and liquor for a nightcap. The trifecta. Time to go to bed!