(more like 5 am and 4 hours in the car)

DAY FIVE

It’s hot air balloon o'clock which is like freaking 5 am. We have to be in the parking lot at 530 to be picked up by a stranger in a van to drive us to the hot air balloon launch. Just kidding. He drove us to a cafe. Now we are being driven by a different stranger in a van to the hot air balloon launch site. I’m starting to get hyped. I need to be on this balloon, like now. They're going over safety or whatever I don't know I wasn’t paying attention. I’m mentally unavailable. Get me in that basket. They then explain spooning. Yes, that kind of spooning. That’s the landing position. You have to spoon someone, bend your knees, and brace for landing. I wonder if we get to pick our partners. I guess not because I got my wife. There’s a couple behind us who doesn’t speak English and the pilot is desperately trying to explain that typically the male is the big spoon. They are welcome to make their own choice. They currently have her forehead on his spine. I pantomime with my wife for them and they switch.

Anywho, we take off by shooting a big ol' flamethrower straight upwards. I’m starting to think they should have a more interesting safety briefing. This is on them for not getting me to pay attention. So what, I’m not supposed to play with the fire? It’s about 7 am now, there’s fire, and no one has handed me a beer. They’re passing something around now. Finally. Wait, it's bubbles. This could be fun. I blow the bubbles and they blow right back in my face. Not fun. I’m kind of sticky. I point this out to the pilot and ask if he can pull a 360. He asks if I meant a 180 and I said, “That’s what I said.” He pulls a rope which I can only imagine says, "Pull in case of complaint about bubbles" on the tag. It turns us around. Now blowing the bubbles is leading to some amazing photos. As usual, others take advantage of the moment I created. Happy to help.

There is an Australian couple next to us and I’m ready for Trying to Make Friends with Australians - Round 2 (see Germany Day 8). But they were lovely and wanted tons of pictures. So does my wife. We take turns taking pictures of the other couple and help point out good opportunities. The pilot does a magic trick where he throws a dollar bill out of the side of the basket and it goes UP! He asks if we know how he does it and my wife says. "It’s not going up we're descending." He says "no one has ever gotten that before." I turn to her, look deep in her eyes, and whisper softly, "nerd."

We land and the stranger-driven-van takes us back to our hotel. Not before they try to sell us a photo of ourselves. But they can’t find one. They didn’t print ours. Guess I'm ugly or a vampire. You’ll never know. The second option at least. We have breakfast at the hotel and check out.

Before we start our drive to Yosemite we stop by Grgrich Hills to buy a few bottles. We were in a rush yesterday and didn’t have a chance to grab any. We buy so much they comp our tastings from the day before. 3 chardonnays and one of those peppery Zinfandels for me. The host tries to upsell us by letting us try the reserve versions of both. The $125 version of the Zinfandel was amazing, but the $36 one will do just fine. Thanks for playing. The $95 chardonnay is made every year on Mike Grgrich's birthday and it goes up 1 dollar with each birthday. Next year he'll be 96 and that’s how much the wine will cost. They only use the oldest vines in the vineyard to make it. Older vines are said to have more flavorful fruit. They don’t even start making wine until the vines are 8 years old. It’s delicious but the $43 bottle will do. Well, 3 of them anyway.

Then we head to Domaine Chandon. A place known for its bubbly. Nothing like a little 11 am bubbly to say "Hey! You're probably going to take a nap today." We got the three menu items with the tasting and a bonus red-bubbly! Similar to my new fave, Lambrusco. Seriously delicious. I tried it because I heard it pairs with cheeseburgers. We walk around enjoying the gardens with our drinks. We spent some time wondering how this group of 18 people and 8 bottles of champagne could be this organized on a Tuesday morning. We can’t get 1 friend to go to 1 bar on a Saturday. Time to hit the road.

We drive 4 hours to Yosemite National Park. I’ve been on the east coast my whole life which means there are fast food places over here I’ve never tried. We encounter Jack in the Box and I love it. In and out burger is still on the list. We’ll see if I make it there. My wife said to tell you that we also stopped at someplace (Tunnel View) to look at something pretty (also Tunnel View).

We arrive at the Majestic in Yosemite National Park. The hotel is gorgeous in an old-world style. At dinner it is so fancy I wore a tie and was deeply offended at a gentleman trying to enter in shorts. I got a tie on, bro. My mother-in-law took the wine list and picked the perfect bottle. A Fume Blanc (basically a Sauvignon Blanc, but I don’t know I’m a fake wine expert) from Robert Mondavi. That winery is one we wanted to visit but we couldn’t fit in. Kind of worked out. My rack of lamb was delicious. I couldn’t even think about dessert. So I let my wife order for me. We had boysenberry pie and it was life-changing. I always thought this was called poisonberry pie and that just doesn’t sound like it’s for me. Once I saw it in writing, I was willing to give it a try.

We retire to the room to plug in the trustee Fire Stick because even on vacation no one should have to suffer through regular TV. BUT IT ISNT WORKING. Ugh, I have like 6 shows to watch tonight... I settle for a bear safety video on the hotel's internal network. This way I can learn how to best take a selfie with a bear (safely?). I should say that Yosemite officially states not to take selfies with bears. I got it guys (wink). Don’t worry. I've been practicing with my dog.