Grand Rapids Day 2

Grand Rapids Day Two

We had our first ever good experience with a rental car. Could this be the first time in human history? We couldn't rule it out. We showed up for our rental and expected to hear they're out of our car type, or we have to drive somewhere else. It could be anything. The employee said, "Here are your keys. You're all set." My wife turned around to look at me. I looked back, and we went on our way. We got to the car, and it was lovely. We're not sponsored, so I won't name the brand. We started the car, and the tire pressure light came on—there it is. We went back in and switched to a less cool car.

We drove our rental car to a coffee shop. This one delivered just like every other one so far. I've never watched anyone make my wife's chai latte in person before. It takes so many steps. I'm generally in the car at the drive-thru or have both eyes closed when I order. Today, I only had one eye closed while we ordered. I almost needed a second black coffee by the time her process was complete. We take these coffees and get in the car to drive to Saugatuck. No matter how you pronounce this—you're wrong.

In Saugatuck, I realized I made the mistake of not listening after my wife stopped talking about beer. She had a whole list of things she wanted to do. There were two wineries and a cidery on our list today. Breakfast came first. We stood in line for a table. This was a long line. The line took long enough to realize that I was freezing even though it was summer. I changed into warmer clothes—we weren't in Florida anymore. After the long line ended, we got to the host stand. We were told it would be a 45-minute wait. No. We just did the 45-minute wait. We have completed that task. This is the part where you take us to the table. They switched methods during this line. It was the table line, but they changed it to the name line. We fought back by asking for the text when our table was ready and then left anyway—take that.

We enjoyed the beautiful scenery and sat outside. The inside area? Straight-up VFW vibes. Since we were doing wineries, I decided to track how many bachelorette parties we ran into. I lost count—blame it on the drinking. There were a lot, though. One group? Bridesmaids in black. Funeral chic, I guess. We moved to the next winery, where the wine was a little better and the atmosphere... slightly less of an oasis.

The cidery rounded out the third stop of the day, and of course, we were early for our reservations. We couldn’t wait to dive into more drinking. The wineries were all about getting us in early, but the cidery? Not so much. The reservation meant we got a picnic table and a tasting. They still serve pints without a reservation, though, and you can roam the grounds. That didn’t sound too bad. They even had a hopped cider— dangerously close to beer! Of course, it was kicked. I’m with my wife, The Keg Kicker, after all. She’s a total jinx. The server had to wait for a barback to switch it out, and since the keg was already there, I offered my services. Naturally, they declined— always happy to help. We got excited for Saugatuck Brewing, decided to chug, and leave.

Saugatuck Brewing had a very long wait, but it looked fantastic in there, so we were happy to bide our time. My wife got our name in, and I set up at the back bar. I ordered a Napoleon White Stout— the next brewery trend. White stouts will be the new Hazy IPA. Try one and tell everyone you're ahead of the curve. I got comfy, found a table game, and left the tab open. We were going to be here a while— and then, the table was ready. I closed out and carried my freshly poured beer to the table. Can I complain that the table was ready too quickly? Is that even a thing?

The food was outstanding. I love a brewery that takes both beer and food seriously. We had a great time eating, drinking, and listening to some guy talk on the phone. Why does everyone eating alone at a restaurant feel the need to talk on the phone? Is it to prove you have friends? You clearly don’t. Tell your grandma I said hi. We grabbed a brewery sticker on the way out, and my wife asked if I wanted a to-go six-pack. I said no. Why!?

In downtown Saugatuck, everything was at your disposal—except servers. Every place we stopped at had endless empty tables and a two-hour wait. We stumbled upon an empty baseball-themed bar and asked for a table. Two-hour wait. I asked about the bar, and they didn’t think they had anyone working it. I offered—politely—to check. The person I believed to be the owner said he wanted to maintain a quality of service and didn’t want us sitting around waiting. I said, “I understand entirely. How about I get one beer, close out, and don’t bother anyone?” He agreed and offered us stadium seating overlooking the main drag to sweeten the deal. This sounded much better than it actually was. I remembered that I usually complain about sitting in stadium seats. We also sat very close to a family trying to dine.

At some point, we were going to need to eat dinner. The BARge sounded good—that’s how they spell it. We put our name in, saying, “Let me guess, two hours?” We waited at the upstairs bar while the time ticked down. A table opened up, and we sniped it. The server asked if we’d checked in with the host downstairs—this is a moral gray area. We did talk to the host, but not about this table. Let’s just say we ended up with it. Thanks for hearing me out. The view was spectacular. Boats were flowing down the waterway like rush hour traffic—on the water. We took turns picking out our dreamboats. I waited for the one that most resembled the door that saved Rose’s life. After many All Day IPAs, our table was ready downstairs.

Since we were close to the water, I had to get seafood. They had a few choices, and we all know I know my way around a menu—except my wife doesn’t know that. I made the best choice, and a few minutes later, they brought out fish sticks. My wife said, “Are you happy with your choice?”

"I stand by it."

After dinner, drinks were at Willy’s—a garage band venue for local music. We grabbed drinks and stood in the middle of the floor. There weren’t many tables or chairs to speak of. We danced and drank until we decided to check out the hotel room of the night. It was a place to sleep—let’s leave it at that. I should have bought a to-go six-pack at Saugatuck!