DAY EIGHT

Packing is a very satisfying chore to me. It’s always been how can I fit everything in here? But with flying it adds, can I keep it under 50 pounds? Or as I try to get my money's worth, how close to 50 pounds can I get this bag? I spend the morning packing our bags into sleek, aerodynamic, 50 pounds or lighter (but not much) luggage. Except for 1 bag which is literally just full of my wife’s shoes (mine are in there also in but within reason). But this is a flashback to packing BEFORE a trip. Today we are packing for a return trip. In this case, you might as well give me a backhoe. If it fits, I sit. On the bag, so my wife can zip it.

After packing we get in the car for our 4-hour drive. We don’t stop for lunch, but we do stop for gas. Cool, I guess. I grab a flavor of Doritos that I’ve never heard of before. They’re hot sauce flavored? They are delicious in every way but lead to an unfortunate (entertaining) result. I have to reverse blow for the rest of the drive. My mouth is on fire and I feel like I need to run an ice cube along my lips. My wife makes fun of me relentlessly. That’s fine.

We head to my 3rd favorite brewery 21st Amendment. They are one of my dream visits because they were an unsuccessful contact during my brewery email days. I used to spend my spare time writing emails to breweries across the country explaining how much I loved their beer in the hopes of getting free merch. Often explaining that their product saved my marriage (Idk maybe it did). Anyway it was so successful I had to (my wife made me) stop. We have a storage unit full of my future man cave stuffings.

Anyway, i contacted 21st Amendment and they didn’t send me anything they just told me to come out to the brewery. Whoever was emailing me was also originally from Pittsburgh and wanted me to come out for a Pirates-Giants game. Sounds great but if you ain’t buying I ain't flying. Well I'm here now and I don’t think I'm lucky enough to have the Pirates in town, but IDK maybe at least the Giants are home? I’ve already been to 3 Rivers Stadium, PNC Park, Bank One Ballpark, Wrigley Field, Tropicana Field and I figured adding AT&T Park would be cool.

I ask my wife and she says they are out of town. So obviously I take her at her word (I googled their schedule and they are home playing the Mets). So I bought us the 4 cheapest tickets under her supervision (as soon as she looked away I upgraded to the 2nd row in our section). So I'm at least excited to see my former Pirate McCutchen play in his new home. And….they already traded him to the Yankees. That didn’t take long. My goodness, you blink for one second. We're all happy to be going to the game, but forgot we aren’t in Yosemite anymore. It’s about 25 degrees colder in San Fran. Half of us thought they would play in a dome because it gets so cold in the summer here.

We last an embarrassing amount of time (my lips are sealed) and laugh at beer prices on the way out. $15 for a domestic draft! I juke out the front gatekeeper because I don’t want to explain to him why we're leaving so early. Next, I have to call our Uber driver because I can see he’s like 3 blocks away and stationary. I tell him to drive to the street corner where we are located and he says no then asks us to walk to where he’s parked. I tell him that he better find us because we’re freezing. I hang up and try to cancel him but due to the cold (and beer) I'm apparently not in charge of my fingers anymore. He found us.

I’m convinced we're going home to eat wings and drink more at the hotel bar. But I end up with leftover pinot noir (no complaints) and watching American Ninja Warrior (it’s no Ultimate Beast Master).

Tomorrow we have a 6-hour flight, a 3-hour time difference, and a 2-hour drive. Which means my wife will sleep for about 24 hours. Goodnight!

Until I get dragged somewhere else,

A Lazy Husband.