How to Wait in Line

Universal Studios Day Two

We rode Rip Ride Rocket. You had to choose music to listen to on the ride. I asked if they had any Melodic Metalcore. They did not, but they had Heavy Metal. I went with Motley Crue. My wife, notorious for being overwhelmed by menus, took too long to pick, and the ride chose. It decided on French Jazz/Electronica— no Melodic Metalcore huh. We got up early since we had early access passes. That was why we went to bed early. Wait, I forgot to go to bed early. Well, I made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. I wish I could have lied in it. We tried to ride as many things as possible before the peasants— people without early access— arrived. We needed to get to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. My wife and the better half of our couples-friends are obsessed. I had been memorizing Harry Potter trivia to enjoy something with my wife— or become more powerful than them both combined. I wasn't even close. I have listened to all the audiobooks, though. I'm not allowed to say "read." This team knowledge got us second place in two different Harry Potter-themed trivia nights. We still can't get the gold, though. Once, the tie-breaker for first place was, "How far is Universal Studios from this bar?" How did we miss that!?

I made my famous "Let's get a beer at 10 am" joke— it's not a joke. Welcome back to our Untappd account, DragonScale. We walked through robe shops and a few other kinds of memorabilia. Then we went over to the wands. They did a show there about picking out a wand. I tried to stand close to the front because I heard they pick a crowd volunteer. No one told me they only chose kids—rude— also, my wife did tell me. Then I got banished to the back row because my big head was blocking the view. Thanks, I had a great time back there. Next, we went to Knockturn Alley— that's the real party. How was it this dark? Wasn't it daytime? I was terrified.

The train took us from Harry Potter World in Universal Studios to Harry Potter World in Islands of Adventure. They played a video of some Harry Potter things on the windows. I didn't believe we were moving. I thought it was a movie-watching experience. My wife had to convince me we did move to Islands of Adventure.

One way or another, we ended up in Islands of Adventure. We checked out the Hog's Head and drank more Harry Potter beer. They had a Hog's Head Red and Butterbeer. They had fire whiskey here, too. They could serve you a shot, even a double, but you couldn’t get it in the Butterbeer, which is non-alcoholic. What you could do is turn around, hide in the corner, and become a potions master. The bartenders even said, "No potions at the bar, please."

It was time for the real reason I got out of bed— Hagrid's Magical Motorbike Adventure. Since it would be a long wait, we got fresh beers and took out the Harry Potter trivia cards my boss doesn't know I printed at work. What could go wrong?

Things very quickly went wrong. Early on in the line, we passed a beer stand. Since we just filled up, we moved right past it. With this added encouragement of in-line libations, our drinking rate increased. Looking for the next beer stand was a lost cause. Why put the only one at the beginning? We could bring beers into line. We didn't need the stand until later. At least we had the trivia cards.

Everyone knew the answers to 90% of the questions— our Ravenclaw nerd knew about 100%. You got to pick between riding the motorcycle and riding in the sidecar. My wife said, "Shotgun motorcycle." Sucker— sidecar is where it's at. Hagrid's Magical Motorbike Adventure might be the best roller coaster ever— if you rode in the sidecar. It's super low to the track! Take a stand. Pick aside— #teamsidecar.

Jurassic Park sounded like a good idea in the daylight; it might even be my wife's favorite ride in the park. We ended up in the single rider line. My two favorite things— wet clothes and strangers! My wife and I were lucky enough to get on the same raft. Don't let this fool you; they do split parties up. Next to us was a boy of about seven. He didn't have anyone sitting next to him. He asked if it was our first time— I must have looked nervous. He put his feet up on the empty seat, flipped down sunglasses, and said, "This is my 15th time today." How was this kid so cool? Where were his parents?

We went back to the room for a full-on nap.

We floated back on over to the park. There was a light show scheduled to be projected onto Hogwarts. It started right after sunset. When was that? There was no way to know if it already happened. My wife said it was still bright out, so that meant— no, it hadn't happened yet. I knew it was coming because the employees started herding us closer to the front. Fourteen people were screaming "Move up!" at the top of their lungs— we pretended we couldn't hear them. I looked up like I was trying to count the stars. Since the Sun was still up, I got to 1. It took me until the end of the show to realize I was out of beer. It must have been good.

Since the park was getting ready to close, we made plans to get to City Walk. My wife wanted to try the Italian place, Vivo. Excuse me, what was that noise? A party whistle? It was the fire alarm— does my wife cook here? We started to get up, but the bartender didn't seem concerned. We asked him if we should leave. His expression said, "Why?" The entire time we were there, BEEP every few seconds BEEP after the appetizers BEEP. We were deciding on menu options BEEP. Nobody had any intention of turning it off BEEP. It continued the entire time. I had the squid ink pasta because I heard Gordon Ramsay say 'squid ink pasta' once. As we wrapped up the last sip of wine— me inverting the bottle into my mouth— the beeping stopped, and we walked out the door.

It was time to get a good night's sleep to be ready for the drive tomorrow, or we could go clubbing. Clubs are my nightmares. If I wanted nightmares, I could have just gone to sleep! After it going how I thought it would go— it was 2 am! What am I in my mid-to-early-twenties? I'll never recover from this. Not much difference between a 2 am beer, and a 10 am beer.

Until I get dragged somewhere else,

A Lazy Husband.