Universal Studios Day One

In the car, my wife and I each eventually realized the other one was there. We were pretty zoned out. Then we started talking budget for the trip. While she was pitching her coupon-clipping ideas, I lost myself in a daydream of wearing all four kinds of Harry Potter house robes and pouring a souvenir cup of unicorn tears over my head. We met in the middle and nixed the souvenir cup. That was half the cost of that scenario anyway.

We got two queen beds instead of the king option at Sapphire Falls, not for our standard procedure of eating in one and sleeping in the stainless, crumb-free second. Nope, we have amusement park-loving friends splitting the room. I spotted our friends in the lobby and invited them to join us. I saw their backpack from a mile away. We made the plan, went upstairs, and explained that I'm afraid of the dark.

We had to get on a water taxi, which is the most extraordinary way to get to the park. While waiting in line, we came up with our drinking game for the day. Drink every time you see a dad in cargo shorts. Second drink if he looks miserable. We had to quit pretty early on due to a combination of human physiology and statistics.

A family was trying to take a selfie with the water in the background, so I decided to do the right thing— walk right past them and mind my own business. They didn't ask me to take any photos! It drives me crazy when I get the proper lighting, frame, and the side of my face with the less chubby cheek perfectly lined up— then some cargo short-wearing guy walks by saying, "Haha, want me to take one for you?"

My wife doesn’t agree and offered to take their picture. They said no! Ha! I'm ready to walk off into the sunset— laughing inappropriately. They changed their mind and agreed— several hours passed.

When we got to the part of the park I've been waiting for, Marvel Super Hero Island, we went straight to Doctor Doom's Fear Fall. I'm not too fond of drop towers, but I love the ones that shoot you up. We got in line, and I started to panic. She kept telling me that this was the shoot-up side, not the drop-down side. It was just the way she was saying it. The more she said it, the less I believed it. We also rode my favorite Universal Studios ride, The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man. I promised her that we would ride The Hulk the next night. Spoiler Alert: I broke that promise.

The guys went and put the backpacks in the lockers before riding Escape from Gringotts. We came back to the wives getting the lowdown from a Harry Potter-obsessed employee. She told them about the secret Harry Potter drink menu. I'm sent as the scout, so I leaned across the bar and said, "Let me get The Triple. Don't worry. I'm cool." The bartender said, "I have no idea what you're talking about." I walk out empty-handed— I got another DragonScale. This red lager is one of my all-time favorites. My wife pulled it off later and got the triple-layered beverage—Dragonscale, Strongbow Cider, and Guinness. She gets asked about it every time she orders. The layers are clearly visible. Next, we hop in line for Men in Black.

Let's make this more interesting. The person with the lowest score buys the next round. The guy next to us in line starts giving my wife tips. I can overhear, so I'm listening intently. Before the end of the line, she tried to tell our friends, and I shushed her. I don't get last. I might go pro at this. I told one of the employees my score, and he said something like, "First time?"

We ate at Antojitos. They had great food, but the tap list is lacking.

Luckily, we went back to Jurassic Park. They had a new beer to celebrate the opening of Velocicoaster. It's called Isla Nublar, a tropical IPA. We bought it from our favorite food booth, Natural Selections, right across from the main booth in Jurassic Park. The main one always has a huge line. Natural Selections was pretty quick.

"Is it the beer with the shark tap handle?" Asked my wife.

"No. Why would it have a shark? It has a dinosaur." The tap handle was a Mosasaur eating a shark— she was right about the shark.

The only other intention tonight was to ride Velocicoaster. We rode it earlier in the day, but everyone said to wait until you ride it at night. I'm glad that Universal is gearing towards roller coasters and away from the virtual rides. We enjoyed the themed decor. The video was hilarious, and the Velociraptors were terrifying— statues or digital renderings. Then on this beautiful, clear-skied day— it started to rain. It rained enough to close down the ride. Once I heard it was closed, I turned into a dad trying to beat traffic. No one else in my group moved.

"What are we doing?"

"If you wait long enough, they give you free Express Passes."

"This looks like a good place to sit."

After the 15 minutes and 3 knee-cracks it takes me to sit on the ground, we started to move. I had to get up, and that takes longer. Everyone was leaving. If they started this ride back up, we would be right there. Don't let my excitement over line placement or express passes fool you— I complained the whole time. They need in-line beer booths for these long lines! I spent the time looking up theories on Universal's upcoming Epic Universe— and complaining. We eventually got our Express Passes and left without catching a drop of rain.

I caught up on drinking at Rising Star, the live band karaoke bar. I tried to work up the courage to put my name in to sing. My method was to clear my throat a bunch while having a panic attack. I eventually agreed to do it about the same time I realized the list was full for the night. I could have spent that warm-up time looking up more Men in Black tips.